So, I finally decided to jump into the dating pool. However, since I'm so busy, I have a difficult timing getting out in the world to meet new guys. And because the guys I already know are not available, just friends, afraid to ask me out, or just plain losers, I've decided to jump on the Internet dating train.
Now which Internet dating site have I joined, you ask. Well, I've decided to try eharmony.com. I figured I'd try it for a month and see what happened. If I get good results, maybe I'll stick around for another month. Anyhow, I've already started meeting my matches. They've been chosen for me based on my "personality profile." (The one that took me almost an hour to fill out, and I'm still not sure if I got all the answers right.)
As some of you know, I have issues with height and age. I like men who are at least two inches taller than I am, and I have a problem dating men who are more than five years older or younger than I am. Well, the folks at eharmony seem to feel that I should expand my age limit upwards (if anything should change, I think it should be in the downward range, don't you? Just call me Cougar Carpenter!), so they keep sending me the profiles of 49 year old men. That's okay. I take a look at them, then I delete them.
Eharmony also keeps sending me matches below the 5'8" range! Okay, now I allow 5'10", but I really prefer tall men. The taller the better! They make me feel smaller, more delicate, like a tender flower on the cusp of bloom (ugh! I think I just threw up a little in my mouth!). Moving on. I like a man that I can wear two or three inch platform heals around and still look up at him. At minimum, I have to look him in the eye! (Is this too much to ask for? Tell me. It's really important!) I usually don't even look at these profiles. As soon as I see the height, I chuck 'em. I know it's superficial, but hey! I'm the one who's gonna have to set my beer on his head if I start dating him. You just keep your hairy nose out of it.
Not all the guys I'm being matched up with are horrible, though. There are actually some very cute, sweet, and smart men. I've started sending those form questions out to these ones. (It kind of makes me feel like I'm sending notes in elementary school, though. You know "do you like me--check yes or no" or "Sally Frankman says Joey Milkie said Frances Donovan said Mark Miller thinks you're cute? Do you think he's cute?") After they respond to these questions, I get to send them my likes and dislikes, then they get to send me back theirs. Next we get to ask each other a second round of questions, and then we do something else. I think somewhere around the fifteenth round, we actually get to start writing each other letters. Yippee! It all seems rather complicated, don't you think?
I remember it being a lot easier when I was younger. I'd go to the bar, see a guy I thought was cute, wiggle a little as I walked over to him, and ask him if he wanted to f***! See, nothing to it. But then again, I am 38 years old, and I've never been married, so maybe that wasn't such a good approach.
Well, anyhoo, I think I'll go check my email and see if any of the twenty or so guys I sent pick up lines, I mean, first questions to have replied to me. I'll keep you all posted, and if you're very good boys and girls, I'll try not to bore you to death in the posts.
Ta!
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