"...the real consequences of being an old maid"--Jenny, as told by Shane, concerning Jane Austen and the film Becoming Jane.
Oh Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. I do love you so much, so it hurts that I must tell you how offended I am. I say this mostly in jest, but there is a kernel of offense. After all, I am of that ever-growing class of women that Jane once belonged to. We are called old maids or spinsters. I don't have the experience of having been married at one time, so I can't claim the respect that a widow receives, nor the interestingly lascivious reputation that a divorcee is saddled with. Instead I am to be pitied, to be mourned, for never having known the joys that belong to marriage. Ahhh, poor me.
But seriously, I understand this comment as relates to Jane Austen and the time period she lived in. When a woman did not marry by a certain age in the 17th century, it was almost a given that she would never marry. What bothers me is that a lot of people think it's still valid today. (Not you, Jenny. This I know.)
This belief was most evident to me when one of my nieces said, "Aunt Shell, you need to find a husband." (Yes, this is an exact quote!) My first reaction was to stare, slack-jawed, at said eleven-year-old girl-child. My second was to wonder how in the hell this thought occurred to her when I've spent her whole life telling her how important she is to the world and that no man (or woman, if that is who she turns out to be) is needed for her to identify herself. With this one statement, I realized that, as far as women who never marry are concerned, the world hasn't really changed since Austen's time.
I have no plans to remain single for the rest of my life (as I'm sure Jane didn't,) but I'm not going to get married just to stop the pity that's thrown my way. I don't feel particularly pitiful or unwanted. I do feel a bit picky, but I can't see that as a bad thing (except for my age difference issues--sometimes I wish I would just get over it.) In fact, the only thing I actually lament about being almost 40 and still single is that the only one I have to share triumphs and defeats with (that is, the only one who is affected by them besides myself) is my cat, who deeply cares whether I am happy or not.
Finally, I should say that if turns out that I do remain single for the remainder of my days, oh well. At least I'll be in good company, Jane my sistah!
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3 comments:
Honestly, the climate isn't that much better for guys. Until I met Jenny, I heard a few side comments marking my perpetual bachelorhood. My older neice Kayleen (she's 11) seems particularly happy that I "finally found someone". This is also the girl who was shocked that I did most of the laundry in the household ("boys don't do laundry," she said). Her younger sister, on the other hand, wrote an assignment about what her idea of a scientist is. Her scientist was female and studied animals, but wasn't married (yes, they actually asked this question on the assignment). Not sure what it all means. Marriage can be great with the right person, but I've seen way too many misserable fools who leapt without looking.
Yes, but there is a vital difference between Jane Austen's "old maid" and a modern one, if you're using that term.
Historically, a spinster was totally and completely dependent on the good will of others for her living. A modern bachelorette can make her own way in the world, and has much greater freedom over her life and the course it takes.
It used to be cut and dry: married = successful, unmarried = not, regardless of the actual happiness/success of the marriage.
Is there a stigma still today? Yeah. However, it doesn't have the extreme economic repercussions it once had. Thus, an unmarried woman today can be much more successful than many married women of the past.
It's all relative. As someone who's known a few lifelong bachelorettes, I have to say I admire the gals who step out and say "I'll be happy with, or without, a significant other."
Besides, one of the most self-described idyllic couples I've ever met didn't marry until she was in her forties and he was fifty. It's never too late.
Okay, I think I was either misquoted or misunderstood.
My point was that I completely believe Jane Austen could have fallen in love--you do not have to be married to love someone and be loved in return.
My issue 'with the movie' was that Jane Austen faced very real, very desperate consequences pre-feminism. Destitution, eating period, suddenly comes into question. In her books, the issue is treated with a touch of humor (except in Emma, when the heroine makes fun of a 'spinster' and Mr. Knightly very rightly reprimands her "Badly done, Emma.")
Jane Austen was not wealthy. She barely scratched a living 'with her pen'--selling all rights to Pride and Prejudice...she never saw a dime after about 200 pounds on that, her bestselling story...benefitting her publisher far more than herself.
The stigma surrounding unmarried women today does not effect their livelihood. They can still get jobs, still have children, etc. They can go to university. They can be respectable members of society. Hell, the richest woman in the world is the single Miss Oprah.
I wanted to feel more of the real, honest-to-goodness threat to Jane in the movie. When the mother says "Money is absolute" she is not joking, not being funny. Everyone should cry at that line, not laugh.
I'm sorry if you felt offended, but I don't think what I actually said came across.
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